🤖 nutmeg fc #11
Today: A. I. 💙 El Pibe Valderrama.
On 5 September 1993 I was at a birthday party, playing with some Thundercats action figures, when the birthday boy's sister burst into the room and announced that Argentina was losing 0-3 to Colombia.
For as long as I could remember in football, that is, since 1991, Argentina had lost only once: a narrow 2-1 defeat to Colombia in Barranquilla. That they would lose 0-3 at home was implausible. And even more so when the sister came storming back in to announce the 0-4 and the 0-5.
I was 100% convinced it was a lie until my dad came to pick me up and confirmed it was true.
But what was initially a deep and painful wound, soon turned into admiration for a team that played delicious and musical football and for a player from another planet like Carlos "El Pibe" Valderrama. I would have preferred this match to be against Brazil, but I'm glad it existed.
And if it could convince me of the greatness of an opponent, I think it could have convinced even an alien race that the Earth deserved to be saved from annihilation.
Almost 30 years after the match that crowned Valderrama as the leader of a Colombian generation like no other, I asked ChatGPT to imagine the speech of an alien who witnessed the 0-5 defeat and who wants to convince the intergalactic council not to exterminate human beings, for the love of Valderrama.
Valderrama's Fate and the Intergalactic Council's Choice
Daring Members of the Intergalactic Council! I come as a messenger from a distant world to implore you to reconsider your plan to annihilate Earth. Within its vast expanse resides a being of prodigious worth, known as El Pibe Valderrama. I assure you that the loss of this terrestrial star would cause a cosmic cataclysm that would reverberate throughout the galaxy.
El Pibe Valderrama, a distinguished football entity, possesses abilities that defy the limits of reality. His mastery of the sphere is so astonishing that it appears conjured from the purest technomagic. With every touch, he weaves football spells and unleashes extraterrestrial plays that leave adversaries perplexed. His golden mane radiates cosmic energies, and his elegant style is an emblem of his celestial origin.
Yet, the impact of El Pibe Valderrama goes beyond the ball. He is a vital force emanating from his being, a blazing flame igniting passions and awakening the deepest dreams. He is the beacon of hope in a galaxy threatened by darkness. His legacy is an epic tale that must be preserved for future eras.
Oh, honorable members of the Council! The destiny of a condemned planet rests in your hands. I beseech you, in the name of cosmic unity, to halt its imminent destruction. Earth, with El Pibe Valderrama as its guardian angel, holds secrets and potentials yet undiscovered. Its disappearance would be an irreparable sacrifice in pursuit of a false stability.
Allow Earth to continue its cosmic dance. Offer the terrestrial beings a chance to preserve their heritage, to keep the flame of hope alive in an ever-changing universe. Let us save El Pibe Valderrama and his home, so that the stars may continue to host the brilliance of his greatness. The power to decide the destiny of a world and the legacy of an extraterrestrial being whose splendor transcends galaxies lies in your hands.